4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
