hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
