Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
