Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mom said you looked used
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
