he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
