His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
