I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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