sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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