I accidentally burped into my bong.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
