Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
