I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
