apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize