Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
