never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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