Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
