Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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