Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just google imaged poop.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
