So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
