Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
