i would punch a child for taco bell
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
