PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
