if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
did i walk over a car last night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
