i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
