I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
then he tried to convert me to islam
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my poor anus
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
