Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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