Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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