Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
