hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
