My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
