I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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