thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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