when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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