seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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