you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want nice things and good sex
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Congratulations! We have a period
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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