My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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