I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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