dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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