question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
