Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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