dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
