The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
