sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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