new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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