Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
