yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
