i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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