i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize