Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
