dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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