So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
