how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
