Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
