You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
