He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
