we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
