Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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