dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
