they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
