uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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