He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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