wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
