Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
