My room smells like vodka and shame
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this boner is exhausting
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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