make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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