You're so nebulous sometimes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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