Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so let's talk penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
