Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
