the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
