I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
