oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize