Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize