yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
