i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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