i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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