he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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