He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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