i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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