It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
