This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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