Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dear god my vagina.
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