You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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