I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
