the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
