So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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