I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
