Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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