You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
