She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
