We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
