you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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