I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
