Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
