at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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