i think my tv is drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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