she looked like the before picture.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize