I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
